I’m An Evil Gamer

I buy games used. I go back and play old games that people forgot about. I play single player. When I do play with others I prefer my multiplayer to be split screen because they are sitting right there with me. I sell games to other people. I didn’t even notice when my Xbox Live Gold ran out. I take my games to friends houses and we trade.

According to folks who make games, I’m the scum of the earth.

This completely ignores the fact that I purchase the games in the first place. No matter how many similar-than-siblings sequels they release, I still keep pushing them cash for the ones I like. I don’t even complain about the Day 1 DLC that most others hate if the game is enjoyable otherwise. I buy stupid outfits that do nothing but make my character have a bigger closet. I pay to upgrade weapons that I wasn’t using and I  buy the silly toys that come with some of the games.  Expansion packs are like drugs to me – Hell,  I get the ones that only add like an hour of gameplay.

But I’m still a thorn in the side of “good” because I want to play a less than $60 game with someone who doesn’t have an awesome internet connection that is sitting on the couch next to me.  Blasphemy, even though I have pretty much done that my whole life.

I don’t want to play uninventive multiplayer modes where I join and a bunch of people with scads more free time take me out before the map loads. I don’t want to be always connected for a single player game because a few jerks modded something. I also can’t afford to buy EVERYTHING new.

I guess I am the bad guy.

It sucks that most of the customer base is too.

I Can’t Jump Either

I have played video games religiously for years.  Any console that has come out since I was born (and one which was released right before), I have spent some quality time with one of its controllers in my hand. The funniest bit about all this gaming, is that up until the expansion of gameplay, I have been a pretty terrible player.  In the side scroller days I was doomed to not only just donating quarters to the cause, but I am also well aware of just how every one of those villains had that cackle when you fell off the cliff.

I can’t jump worth a damn.

When it was just two buttons which were either run and jump or jump and fire, I never mastered the art of jumping. Hand me a controller now with 20 buttons and say go slaughter those zombies/villains over there and I’m good as long as I don’t have to jump stones across a creek or something.  Complex puzzles are cake, but if I have to get on that ledge that is just a little too high for me to grab, you might as well get comfortable.

I did thoroughly enjoy playing the older games.  As much as I dig them don’t think I ever completely finished the things on my own, I would always hand my brother the controller and say “jump a few times, give it back”.  I also did the same for games where there was driving, but it was not the primary aspect of the game because the interface was always clunky.

Seeing the promos for the Prince of Persia movie brought this to mind since I have played every single one of those games, but the endeavors always end in a string of profanity and occasionally a smashed controller.  I am just glad games have opened up to where being able to jump without plummeting to your death is not mandatory and I can just enjoy taking out a bunch of pixel creatures or explore a vivid fantasy world with a shotgun/sword instead.